I'm Blind to My Own Heart

This is a really good question that David asked in Psalm 19. "Who can discern his errors?" He was asking God because he realized that he really couldn't see his own faults. We are all kinda blind to some of our sins.

I've been thinking about all the sin that Jesus died for, the shear magnitude of it and the individualness of it. I've been thinking about the truth that Jesus died so that we wouldn't be separated from Him for eternity, and while this is true, we can't separate it from the truth that He didn't die to leave us in our sin. God's kindness is always meant to bring us to repentance and renewal not blindness and apathy (Romans 2:4).

While God does not want us to swim in guilt:

"So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

our sins were covered by Jesus' death, condemnation has no hold on us, but there is a distinction between condemnation and conviction. Conviction realizes that my sin still costs. It didn't just cost Jesus, it will cost consequences for me and others. Sin always wreaks havoc. It's deceptive, it sneaks into the corners of my life and hides in the darkness there. When I am not actively confronting it, I should be concerned because it didn't stop trying to trick me.

We frequently take the communion that God offers to us in spite of sin too casually. I've been increasingly bothered by that fact that we as the church don't habitually have communion as often as we should. Some churches only doing it quarterly and some monthly. I don't think that is what Jesus intended when he broke bread as they ate and said do this in remembrance of me. I think it was intended to be a more daily habit, remembering not just the cost of our redemption but the freedom to seek God that's available. Remembering increases our awareness. We need to take up that cup daily and ask God to show us wrong actions and attitudes because like David, we know we don't see them on our own. When David asks, "who can discern his errors?", he already knows the answer. He then appeals to God:

"Declare me innocent from hidden faults.

Keep back your servant also from willful sins;

let them not have dominion over me."

Psalm 19:12,13

I'm pretty sure the message version of these verses was written for me:

"Keep me from stupid sins, from thinking I can take over your work."

It's those stupid sins that get me. I know better, but I'm not paying attention, and I fall right into them.

Everyone is talking about someone, and I want to know the juicy details too...and maybe add my own.

I'm tired at the end of a long day, and I snap at someone I love.

I choose bitterness by rehearsing wrongs instead of letting them go.

I choose anxiety over taking the time to pray about what's bothering me, and I fret instead.

We've all got sins like this. We don't plan them, they just happen.

A big one for me is "thinking I can take over your work". That's presumptuous. It may sound funny, and I wouldn't tell God I think I can do it better, but I have been pretty offended when He didn't take my ideas. I have in the deepest part of my heart wanted my plan over God's plan. That's believing that my ideas are better. It's idolatry.

I've been too content in my salvation and not concerned enough about my sanctification. It is easy to slip into comfortable christianity and not see our need for renewal and progress. We are busy. We have full plates. We let this slide.

I think that frequent confession instead of highlighting our sins can actually highlight God's nearness and increase communion. It also connects us to the power available to free us from sin. Consider this verse in Romans that appears right after we are freed from condemnation:

"And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death." Romans 8:2

Yes, there is no condemnation, but there isn't a license to keep sinning either. God's kindness offered to us in forgiveness should compel us to access the power of the life-giving Spirit to free us from sin that leads to death.

This Holy week has served to open my eyes to sin I've allowed to sneak into corners, I'm inviting the life-giving power available in the Holy Spirit to keep me awake and show me how to fight for communion with God and freedom from sin.

Father, open our eyes. Painful as it might be, help us see ourselves more clearly. Thank you that You don't save us and leave us in our sinful flesh. You give power to beat sin. You give power to change. Remind me to ask and expect You to provide. Thank You for Your kindness, let it lead us to repentance. In Jesus name, Amen.