While this reads as a list of things I am good at, none of them are spiritual gifts. In fact, I'm convinced they actually damage my relationship with God. Yes, you heard that right.
The gospel's central idea is that we cannot save ourselves, that is why it's a bit offensive. The gospel is about accepting a gift.
My days should also be about this same concept...accepting. There are going to be things I don't like, things I'd rather not have happen. This becomes especially evident when there are things we would rather not happen to our children. While I did not major in engineering, as soon as something unpleasant happens in my kids lives you will often find me up to my elbows in arranging circumstances.
I'm supposed to live by faith, not by sight. I'm supposed to live in belief not in striving. Now, I hear you. I know there is a balance. We are to make every effort to be good stewards, to not waste our time on earth, and to make Jesus known. There is work involved in following Christ, but that work flows out of our belief that He supplies exactly what we need. Which includes but is not limited to circumstances that stretch and grow us and people we love. That is how we develop the spiritual gifts of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and self-control.
I don't have answers for every day. I don't even have all of them for today. But I do know that that is because I am not supposed to. I'm supposed to seek the one who has all the answers instead of just seeking for the answers. I do know that manipulation tempts me to believe that I am in control and it often keeps me from experiencing peace.
It's hard to wait...and not "fix".
It's hard to think you know the answer...and stay quiet.
It's hard to watch... and pray.
Even though I have days that I can see my faith at work, I also have a lot of days that feel squirrely and out of control. These are actually the days that build my faith muscles when I choose to lean into God instead of engineering my circumstances.
I don't' have to maneuver myself into God's favor. I don't have to strive for His grace. He just gives.
If today feels chaotic in your heart, pray this with me:
God, I know I am to live by faith and not by sight. Help me. I'm saying out loud that I trust you. I need to hear it. I need to remind myself that I do trust you. Keep me from falling into habits of control and lead me to rhythms of peace that don't depend on m circumstances. Help me take my hands off of what I think should happen and place all the things in our hands. Thank you that today is another opportunity to grow. Thank you for your grace that is freely given when I do things right, and when I've gotten them horribly wrong.
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