Still Struggling

I know it's March, but I'm still stuck on the struggle bus with my word for the year.

Trust is proving to be a hard word for me.

I just got to speak to the sweetest group of women. It was a group of Moms and they were so fun to be with. I feel like I should share some of the things I talked about with them.

If you remember, my word of the year was actually a trio:

believe, trust, and hope

These words are just the trickiest because they aren't based on things we can see, but on things we can’t. When I’m in the overwhelming moments, they can be hard to pin down and keep. They're just slippery.

It can be easier to hold onto control or manipulation. I'm way more familiar with those. If God had told me that that was what we would really be talking about this year, I probably would have tapped out. If you'll notice I titled this post: Still Struggling.

The problem with control and manipulation is that both of those options place my hope in me and my abilities, and I know me…

I am likely to fail. This is the root cause of my anxious thoughts. What if I can't do this?

They are also both sinful attitudes, I don't meant to leave that out.

I’m also a mom, and that means I don’t just take on the hopes and dreams that I have. I also take on my children’s hopes and dreams. I’ve got three kids. That’s a lot of hopes and dreams to juggle.

Sometimes I don't even think I know when I am manipulating, I'm just trying to "fix things”. I need an awareness of where I am placing my hope.

Is it in me, or God?

Because if I am placing my hope in me I'm going to feel the pressure, If I'm placing my hope in God I can feel peace.

So let me ask you, How are you feeling right now?

This isn't a question that I am just asking you. I need to ask myself several times a day because the lie that I need to make things happen for me, or for my children creeps into my moments like fog. It just kind of rolls in, and I don't always know where it came from.

I'm finding that the amount of hope I’m feeling depends entirely upon who I think is in charge.

Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear him,

on those who hope in his steadfast love.

Psalm33:18

That word "fear" is actually the Hebrew word "yare'". It means, awesome, to stand in awe, revere, a respect that leads to trust; recognition.

That last one landed on my heart. Recognition. My feelings depend on my recognition of who is in charge. this is especially true of hope. Hope largely depends upon the object of your hope.

Prayer is an act of acknowledging who God is, that He’s in charge.

When I choose prayer it means I’m not trying to manipulate my circumstances. I’m waiting on God to move in them. That’s how prayer works. It’s not trying to get my own agenda accomplished. It's recognizing that ony God's plans are going to work. He's in charge.

If I want peace, my hope is better placed in something less tangible but far more constant and stable than me.

Hope is available. It's just as available for exhaustion and simple frustration as it is for life-threatening or impossible looking situations. There is hope for sickness, hope for disappointment, hope in grief, hope in annoyance, hope in extremes, hope in relationships, hope for provision, hope for relief, and ultimately hope in death. Jesus is in each of these situations with us.

When I feel tempted to try to control a situation, to get my hands all over it and fix it, I need to keep my hands busy by hanging tightly onto God’s.

The way I hold hands with God is prayer, and I don't mean a one time prayer of surrender. I mean an ongoing, all day, conversation.

When we choose to hold His hand instead of grasp at things we cannot hold onto, we can feel His steady presence, we can draw near and feel his strength when ours runs out.

When we put our hope in our own expectations, or controlling of circumstances, and then that falls through. We’re crushed.

Circumstances change.

God never changes.

When we put our hope in God and who He is and His plans, we won’t be crushed or devastated.

I've got to seek Him for hope not plans.

What empties you of Hope?

What in your 24- hour day drains the hope right out of you?

It can happen really fast.

I'm going to keep struggling to remind myself where I need to go when the hope drains out of me. I am not going to just automatically get this and never struggle again. That's okay. I always want change to be overnight. I have to let trust in God have it's trickle down effect in my life and watch for it to produce hope.

I'm reminding myself that "in His presence is fullness of joy" (Psalm 16:11).

This one verse, Romans 15:13, keeps unfolding to me. I think I can actually call it my favorite verse in the entire Bible.

"May the God of hope fill us with all joy and peace in believing,

that by the power of the Holy Spirit we overflow with hope."

God is what fills us when circumstances have emptied us of Hope. He is the God of Hope. This makes me think of Thor, God of Thunder. I love Thor, but I'd rather be with the God of Hope. He is the only one who fills us with joy and peace when we believe him.